Just One of Those Evenings.

I’m at the balcony of my room staring far and wide into the now setting sun. wondering what life for me after campus would be. Will I be one of the many successful women I see around. I’m in my 20’s now and age is catching up real quick yet I have nothing going on for myself. Am I the only one going through this?
I slowly walk back into my room, my head low, climb up my bed only to set my eyes on an article that was to be an eye opener to me. Suddenly I feel relieved. You know why? Because I realized this is just a part of a stage in my life.
Well, How many more girls out there are like me? Wondering what has become of their life?
So I thought that I should be kind enough to share this article by Poornima Bakar and I am positive that this will help generations and generations of girls in their mid-20’s.

Here goes nothing
Enjoy.

You’ve spent so many years looking forward to this phase of your life and it always looks so cool, so glamorous, so filled with love and laughter. Yet here you are, with knowledge that it’s all nothing but it’s messy buns and messier lives. It’s baggy shirts and overflowing laundry bags. It’s a lot of work and there is never enough money. It is freedom with piles of responsibilities and life is no longer what it seemed. Different people are doing different things, your best friends’ are already getting married or starting families, your old classmate is killing it with success, your ex is happy in love, your old mate is drowning in drugs, yes different people are drowning in different things and needs…but not you, you are just existing, you are getting through everyday better than the last but then you have days which you don’t want to get up at all.

You spend most of your Friday nights holed up in a little corner of some club/ house because you are too responsible to drink your night away silly and too much of a control freakish to lose yourself into someone else’s tunes. But somehow this is not enough. This life that you are living does not feel complete. There is some loud loneliness screaming at you every now and then, wrapping around you like your favorite blanket and you wonder where you went wrong. Why you became different from everyone else.

Did I do things too much too soon? Did I not do enough? Is there a reason why it was never me? Is this going to be rest of my life? Alone? Unsuccessful? Filled with dreams that will never come true? And your hands reach out to your phone. One text. One call. To that someone who might make you feel pretty. Who might make you feel important. And your need takes over.

The need to feel accepted. To feel appreciated. To feel adored. To feel loved. And it is so strong, you forget your sanity for a few minutes of flattery. You lessen your worth for dishonest words. The hurt in your heart, camouflaged. If only for a few seconds. But it’s never enough. And when you wake up, it’s worse. The hammering of your heart so loud in your ears. A memory of last night frustratingly haunting. Yet another mistake. Yet again.

You scream hateful words to yourself. When will I ever learn? You go over those messages. Those conversations. How you fell right back into a ditch when you knew better. Just for a moment, you wish you weren’t yourself. And in that moment, read these words: Breathe. It’s not so bad. You think I don’t understand. But I do. Because I’m there, too. I’ve made that call. I’ve texted that wrong person. I’ve woken up with regrets. I still do. I’ve felt the need to be held. I’ve felt that silent green monster towards a friend in love.

Yes, we all make those mistakes. And we all think nobody else does. But they do. So please, don’t hate yourself. And don’t stop. Don’t stop loving with all you have. Don’t stop wishing on every shooting star. Don’t stop dreaming of fairytales and being amazing as Malala Yousafzai. You might not always get there, but don’t stop.

You have so much left to do. You have a world filled with life waiting to happen. You have books to be read. Steps to be taken. Places to see. People to meet. You haven’t lived half your life yet. There’s so much ahead. And in ten years, when you look back, you’ll wish you were here again.

So don’t waste it wallowing in your own sadness. Don’t lose yourself to your self-pity and non-existent boundaries. And I don’t mean spend thousands of dollars and visit the North Pole. I know how you’re struggling to make ends meet.

Do the simple things. Stop procrastinating. Take a walk with nature. Go to the gym. Read your favorite book for the millionth time. Watch a movie. Write your novel. Sketch until you’re better than the best. Eat like you’re dying tomorrow. And most importantly, make mistakes. Your heart will heal. But today will never be back again. Don’t live with “Could-have-been .” Take chances.

And ALWAYS remember – It’s okay to be alone. There is time to let your life revolve around someone else. But today, let it revolve around you. Not because you can’t find someone. Not because you can’t be loved.

But because you deserve to wake up with a smile. You deserve to live life. To make memories so wild, you’ll be the coolest grandparent they’ve ever known.
Breathe. It’s only your mid-20s
You’re going to be alright.